I found this journal entry today... I wrote it at work over a year and a half ago. I don't know if I agree with it completely now, but it's interesting to see what my little naive brain was thinking back then:
It’s amazing how things can come together for you. I was reading an article in ‘Psychology Today’ about happiness and how it’s not our reward for avoiding pain. It’s also not something that is guaranteed, nor is it reasonable to expect that happiness will follow you 24/7. It went on to discuss all the necessary emotions in life that we must experience, because after all, you must “know the darkness to appreciate the light”. Just after I read that article, I read one on attachment theory and how deep down, we are all (female AND male) programmed to want, need, crave love and close relationships with other people. It went on to describe recent research that shows how our brains react when we see or perceive the loss of someone close to us. It actually triggers a panic response in our amygdala (the organ in the mid-brain responsible for things like attaching emotion to learning and memory; it’s basically the emotion center). Of course this reminded me of the time when my amygdala panicked because someone close to me actually did leave. So then, I thought about my current, boyfriend-less situation and thought, “Why the hell am I even looking? It’s not even worth it if they just end up leaving and freaking out my brain.” THEN, when I went back to my desk, Garth Brooks’ ‘The Dance’ came on the radio and I had to bite my lip to keep from crying (I know, I know... I'm such a sap). I went full circle. I realized again, that the small moments of happiness in life are always worth it. Always. Living through the pain is just a part of life; it’s a given. But happiness will find us all again. The opportunity for joy is ever-present.