First of all, I'd like to start by saying I'm writing this blog while kneeling. My desk is gone, and my computer perches precariously on a filing cabinet while I type at its metallic edge. It's cold and uncomfortable, which is exactly how I feel right now.
Not to get into too much detail, but I just recently (as in this last week), had some interactions with a person who was desperate. At first, I couldn't pin point what they were desperate for - love, attention, security? All of the above? The desperation seeped into every action and word during my conversations with them, and I tried to comfort them the only way I knew how: listening. It didn't help. When our conversation finally ended, and they walked away, I was left as I said before, cold and uncomfortable. As I write, I realize it's because that desperation is so familiar. It has enveloped me, too, many times. In fact, the last three months have been some of the most desperate months of my life (to be discussed in my next post).
Desperation is not foreign to me, and I would venture to say that it is not foreign to anyone. We've all had those moments in life where we felt that hopeless yearning for something we felt was lacking. We feel its void in our life until it becomes an obsession and colors our every behavior and thought. We wander around looking for that something in what we think are obvious places: other people, money, a better job, bigger house, attention, fame, recognition. We look to these things to fill us, to satisfy this yearning that calls to us so urgently.
But now I wonder, what should we be desperate for other than God's love?
I think that we will not ever be completely satisfied here on Earth; we may come very close, but there will always be that void, that feeling of incompleteness, that follows us on this journey. True peace, true fulfillment will only come when we're united with Him who made us.
And with that, this blogger is going to sleep. My knees hurt now and are desperate for bed.