Thursday, July 19, 2012

Navigating the Friend Ship: Part One

In keeping with the nautical theme of my last blog post, I find it only fitting that this one be named such. Navigating the post-break-up-let's-be-friends ship can be a bumpy ride. Luckily, with Random's penchant for all things viking, and my weird love for all things pirate (I mean, they say 'arrr' and have parrots - love it), I feel like we're up for the challenge of riding this possibly stormy sea of unknown friendship-ness.

When we first started the whole "let's be friends" thing, I was definitely not completely on board (ha! I promise, I'll stop with the word play...eventually). I had plenty of doubts and fears that friendship could lead to more heartache and confusion. And there's still a risk of that, I suppose. But I was willing to take the risk, mostly because I felt like God was calling me to. And I'm glad I did, because with each dialogue I have with Random I learn something valuable.

This week I learned, or felt, something remarkable:

For the first time since I've known Random, I feel more free than ever. I feel free to really be myself. I'm not scared of saying or doing the wrong thing. I'm not worried about impressing him. I'm not worrying about whether he's going to call or not or when I'll see him again. I am free of these worries and fears. And without them, I feel lighter and more myself. Now when I'm around Random, I am just me. Simply, genuinely me. What joy and peace there is in that.

My hope is that this new freedom, this openness, will lead to building a stronger friendship (more on friendship building in the next post!). And while it saddens me to think that it took us breaking up before we could be more open and real with each other, I am so thankful for the gift of these experiences (read: social experiments) with him now.

Alas, since neither Random or I are captaining this ship, there is still some fear about where we're headed (on my part anyway), but if we really trust in God's navigational skills, I'm sure we'll end up better off in the end, no matter where He takes us.

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